Welcome to Earthling Cinema, where we examine the last remaining artifacts of a once-proud culture and try to understand what human lives were like before their planet was destroyed. I’m your host, Garyx Wormuloid. This week we examine Mean Girls, a film directed by Mark Waters and starring Lindsay Lohan and Rachel McAdams.
Mean Girls (2004) | Directed by: Mark Waters | Starring: Lindsay Lohan, Jonathan Bennett, Rachel McAdams
Written by: Ben Steiner
Analysis & Directed by: Jared Bauer
Starring: Mark Schroeder @mark_schroeder
Edited by: Ryan Hailey
Original Music by: David Krystal (http://www.davidkrystalmusic.com)
Opening Animation by: Danny Rapaport
Producer & Additional Artwork by: Jacob S. Salamon
Mean Girls Through Alien Eyes
Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema, where we examine the last remaining artifacts of a once proud culture, and try to understand what their lives were like before their planet was destroyed.
I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid. This week we are looking at Mean
Girls, the 2004 smash hit written by onetime Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin.
A true departure from Palin’s other work, the film documents the socio- political climate of the American “high school,” one of the most terrifying and dangerous places on Earth.
Our protagonist is Cady Heron, a teen-aged human female who was raised on the continent of Africa. Africa was inhabited primarily by animals, so when Cady’s family moves to the American province of Illinois, she must interact with other humans for the first time. Cady quickly discovers that her
posh life in the plains of Africa could never prepare her for the brutal savagery of the American public school system. We are introduced to their social order in a highly anthropological manner , much in the same way Cady’s zoologist parents would classify the five animal species of Africa: horses, tall horses, dogs, birds, and…
These subdivisions form the basis of the American “high school” experience: segregation, ostracization, and humiliation, not necessarily in that order. Though there are adult humans present, they are largely decorative. The school is controlled by a student named Regina George.
Her first name, Regina, comes fromthe word regis….which means “king” in Latin, the primary language of Earth. And her last name, George, is a reference to either the British ruler from whom America took its independence….or the clown prince of New York. Either way, royalty. Regina rules with an iron fist, implementing a strict dress code and striking fear in the hearts of anyone who would dare cross her, and most who wouldn’t. As part of her royal duties, Regina uses an official ledger…to keep track of all the females in her class.
It becomes a sort of bible, which is appropriate, since, like Earth’s Christian bible, it’s just a list of people’s names and some rumors about them. The religion of “high school” is a complicated one with constantly shifting mores and attitudes, but it basically boils down to this: math is gross, and clothes are everything. The “American Dream” is to walk confidently down hallways.
Also important is their preoccupation with locking mouths, a pagan ritual meant to indicate approval. But despite the peaceful coexistence of many disparate groups, there is tension in the ranks. Regina is a dictator…continuing in the footsteps of such noted tyrants as Adolf Hitler, Jimmy Carter, and Julius Caesar.
And like them, she would eventually be overthrown. Indeed, as the total annihilation of the human species would later prove, all great dynasties must eventually fall. As is typically the case, this revolution is spurred by the proletariat.
Together, the outcasts stage a coup to oust their leader using undercover espionage, military strategy …and biological warfare.
At the end of the film, Regina’s throne has been usurped and Cady is coronated. However, she rejects the crown, dismantling the monarchy…in favor of a new, more egalitarian system: Communism.
For Earthling Cinema, I am Garyx Wormuloid. For more exciting Earth action, hit the subscribe button.