5 Nastiest Sex Scenes in Classic Literature
Join Sparky Sweets, PhD. as he breaks down the 5 Nastiest Sex Scenes in Classic Literature!
#5: The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
#4: Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
#3: Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
#2: Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift
#1: Moby-Dick by Herman Melville
Written by: Lindsay Golder
Directed by: Jacob Salamon
Produced by: Jared Bauer
Edited by: Ryan Hailey
Illustrated by: Corey Lubowich
5 Nastiest Sex Scenes in Classic Literature
What’s good y’all? This yo boy Doc Sweets and here are the 5 nastiest scenes in classic lit
5) The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer
In The Miller’s Tale we learn that playas been tossing salads long before Ranch dressing was the white sauce of choice. See, homie Absalon trying to holla at this married dame Alisoun, but she ain’t feelin it. He stands outside her window at night, begging to get a little touch-tongues action. “Dark was the night like to pitch or coal, And at the window out she put her hole…” Yeah, she did. Anyway, “And Absalon, had better nor worse than this, That with his mouth her naked arse he kissed.”
So basically Alisoun tricked Absalon into eating booty. And Absalon got all up in there. Chaucer says, “Before he was aware, had savoured it.”
Meaning Brotha was INTO it. “Back he started … For well he knew a woman has no beard.” DAMNNNN. Absalon found pubes on his tongue and realized he had accidentally been down… on the brown.
4) Madame Bovary by Gustave Flaubert
Gold digger Emma is trying to get some loving on the DL from sugar daddy Rodolphe. Emma’s dress gets all tangled, so she carpe diem’s that shiz and She whips out her oddly pale nipples and titties. “Hiding her face, with a long tremor she gave herself up to him.” Girl didn’t want the ugly face some ladies get during sex, BROTHAS, YOU KNOW THE FACE, so she looked away before he slid in to home base. she heard a vague, prolonged cry, and she listened to it in silence as it lost itself like a kind of music in the last vibrations of her tingling nerves.” Brutha didn’t even have to ask if she faked it. Respect.
3) Tropic of Cancer by Henry Miller
Miller tells his life story of words and veiny swords in Tropic remembering fondly one trick in particular from the hood. “There was something about her eloquence at that moment and the way she thrust that rosebush under my nose which remains unforgettable…” Basically he dug hard the way she sat on his face. it was no longer just her private organ, but a treasure, a magic, potent treasure, a God-given thing
Homie Miller here is saying that even though that girl was a prostitute, dat ooo-wee was still more than ‘aight. It might has well have been wearing a tiara.
2) Gulliver’s Travels by Jonathan Swift
So this dude Gulliver is off on some sailing adventure and ends up trapped in a land of tall-ass giants. The giant hotties make Gulliver into their sex toyplaything. Totally every shorty’s fantasy. They would often strip me naked from top to toe, and lay me at full length in their bosoms.”
Bosom is old school for titties. So really these giant bitches biddies were ripping off Gulliver’s clothes and rubbing his tiny penis against their boobies. His junk must have been like a thimble to them
Yo, if I was him, hell, I would have tried to hum when they slide me inside me around. Naw mean?
1) Moby-Dick by Herman Melville.
First off, playa used “dick” in the title so you know that sh**’s legit. After homie Ishmael catches a Sperm Whale they have to get the sperm outta the whale’s body to make into wax. “ Squeeze! Squeeze! Squeeze! All the morning long” So Ishmael is basically spankin dis whale’s monkey try to get its sperm off. “I squeezed the sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers’ hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules.” So Ishmael squeezes his
coworkers’ hands on accident, but then decides to just go with it. “Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did this avocation beget; that at last I was continually squeezing their hands, and looking up into their eyes sentimentally… Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.” Now some scholarly gangstas argue
that this handholding scene is a metaphor, and what Melville really means is that Ismael starts to squeeze his own Moby dick and the dudes’ working next to him.If that’s the case, then what we have here, ladies and gentlemen, is a classic circle jerk over a dead sperm whale’s body. Happens all the time. Call you, Ishmael, indeed, you whale dick pimp.
Well that’s the top 5 Nastiest Sex scenes in literature. If you wanna be in the know bout more smart sh**, be sure to hit dat subscribe button, padna.